There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize