i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
