this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
