Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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