my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
