he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
