Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
