She is in my trunk
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
