at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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