i can't believe i had my finger in that
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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