My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
