If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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