Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
