we have officially lost it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
