Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
