I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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