next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my poor anus
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
