I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
