I look better un-naked...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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