Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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