It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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