On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
