Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
