I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
