This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize