I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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