I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
