I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
