Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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