As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Your cock deserves a montage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
