And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
