I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
