why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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