just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
