So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
