I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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