Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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