HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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