No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
