STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
