I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
