the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Holy sore nipples Batman
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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