thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
there is glitter all over my balls
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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