Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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