i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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