All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
