I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
