complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize