Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
