I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize