Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
