yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
