Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
