pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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