just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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