Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
