I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
