Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
