I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
