toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize