you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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