THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Houston, we have a blender
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
