I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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