just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
