my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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