You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
