did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
