she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
