took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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