glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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