Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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