I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize