all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
