I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
