A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
