Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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