I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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