He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
