I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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