This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
