My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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