I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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