She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You need a sexual gate keeper
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
