I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
