Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
