i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
