I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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