My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize