i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
