the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
