Screwed.edu
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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