I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
